I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
