I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
