i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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