Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
