It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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