please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
