who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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