I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
