Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
