IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
