just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
