At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
