I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
