I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
im six kinds of drunk right now
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
