You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
