Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
