Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
