yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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