So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
