Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
