I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
