I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
