So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
