he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
