i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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