She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
