Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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