i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
