How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
