You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
