so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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