If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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