you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
