did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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