Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
