yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
