i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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