it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Randomize
