I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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