Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
