I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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