I hope mine doesn't look like that
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
