When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
