I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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