My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
