Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize