I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
