office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
