I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
