So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
