um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
