Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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