And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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