they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
