I'm eating all of the evidence.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
