My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
