i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
