You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
