I'm going to jail i love you
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
