Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
