I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
