Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so let's talk penis.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
