Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
