What tipped you off? The sombrero?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
