Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
