I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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