I am puke
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
sex in a hospital.. check
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
