I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
