Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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