I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
