I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
