I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
