can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
