Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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