did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
