Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
