I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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